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Monday, February 28, 2005
quick to conclude?
perhaps i was too quick to conclude last week that god had a personal vendetta against me. for it is snowing donkeys and cows outside (if it can rain cats and dogs then it is only fitting that it snow donkeys and cows) and as a direct result of said snow we get to leave work early!

enjoy the snow day.
i heart my tivo, huckabee's not so much
this weekend has made me realize two things that i otherwise might not have:
  1. it is absolutely painful and boring to watch an awards show without the glorious functions that my tivo provides.
  2. i do not like i heart huckabee's.

my netflix choices for this weekend were extremely disappointing to say the least. "sky captain and... (i forget the rest of the title)" just did not do it for me. visually it was stunning and a great throwback to the good ol' days. but even worse than that was "i heart huckabee's" which was so painfully boring that i was forced to shut it off after 45 minutes.

the oscars, while good, were not 3-hours-of-my-time good. i curse myself for forgetting to tivo and fast forward through bitchonce (aka beyonce). i mildly contemplated doing a "real-time" blogging of the event, but come on people, that would require waaaaaaay too much effort. and don't you know already, effort is not my middle name.

for those of you in the tri-state area, i highly recommend you go to the philadelphia art museum and see the salvador dali exhibit. i went sunday afternoon and it was truly stunning. a must-see if you will.

Thursday, February 24, 2005
if there is a god, he's fucking with me
yesterday was a busy day, or at least was supposed to be a busy day. there were many things that needed to get done, things that were imperative, things that for the good of god (who decided to fuck with me) must get done that day, and that day only. you see i'm smart, and i knew that i would never again commit myself to having to do it all over again, so yesterday was the day to get it all done.

my 'to do' list was filled with the tedious tasks of: going to commerce bank to cash my ginormous bowl of change, getting ink from staples, picking up free travel guides from aaa, and dropping off my dry cleaning.

god decided to start fucking with me early yesterday. he began by making me forget to bring my ginormous bag of change with me to work. and no, i did not forget the ginormous bag of change, i would never forget that. not on a day like yesterday when there were many important and imperative things to get done. i would never forget it on my own, it was god who made me forget it. and so, when i finished my hell day of doing essentially nothing, i headed back across the street to my house to pick up my ginormous bag of change. knowing that the dry-cleaners closes at 7 and the bank closes at 6 i figure it would be a good thing to go to the bank first, after all, it was 20 minutes away. so i go my normal route that i always take, got to the fire station and made my normal left turn before the bridge, but unlike other times when i would continue to actually move after making the turn, i was forced to come to a halt. why? because yesterday, my busy important day, was apparently the day that everyone decided they needed to get into their cars and drive. but not just drive anywhere, they needed to drive the route that i was supposed to take. so i do what any normal, sane person would have done, i pull a uie (you-eeeeeeee) and go a different way, which happened to be a longer way. but i eventually get to the bank, just in time to discover that hey, commerce bank closes at 5 unlike everything that my entire family has been telling me for the last...three...years!

so off i went, a bit annoyed might i add, to staples to get my one item. now staples apparently has not discovered the concept of having more than one cash register open for an entire store. no, see that would make too much sense, and c'mon, a store named staples that sells office products usually marketed towards adults has no need to ever make sense or do anything rational. so i pick up my ONE item and get right in line, still holding my ONE item, behind a woman who apparently decided that she needed to not only buy one of every single item in the store, but also RETURN one of every item in the store. so i do what any person would do, i stand there and grit my teeth while uttering the most vulgar comments in my head to this woman who turns around and recognizes that i am holding only ONE item and ONLY one item. after literally 15 minutes, no seriously i was keeping track with my cell phone, a register on the other side of the store opened and me and the guy behind me decided to go there. had it been a person with 5 or 10 items i probably wouldn't have but this guy was like me, a brother if you will, and also had ONE item. however, i am obviously very dumb, because it was extremely foolish of me to think that it would take him only 2 or 3 minutes to actually purchase this ONE item. i was dumb not to realize that it would take him 10 minutes to actually buy the item (note: the other woman actually finished before my 'brother'). after uttering the same vulgar comments as i did the other woman in my head, and after the 10 minutes passed, i dropped my ONE item and credit card on the counter, paid for said item, and left the store.

now aaa was only 5 stores down so i figured i'd just walk there instead of going to get the car, and driving, and finding parking, and getting out, and walking again. so i get to aaa and open, or rather, try to open the door, but it won't budge. so i try again, and again, and yet still it won't open. so finally i look to see what time it closes and see that it closes at 6. so i pull out my cell phone and see that it's literally 6:01. seriously, no joke, 6:0 fucking 1. so, once again, i do what anyone would do, i knock on the window to the guy who's been looking at me the whole time only to see him pick up his hand, the hand that had his watch on it, and point to said watch while shrugging his shoulders in the most obnoxious manner. so, in my 'will not be denied' state, i open my phone and call the store. he see's me calling, he see's the phone ringing, he see's me hearing the phone ringing both in the earpiece and through the glass, and yet again picks up his hand, the hand that had his watch on it, and point to said watch while shrugging his shoulders in the most obnoxious manner. so, yet again, i do what anyone would do, and i pick up my hand, and show him my finger (which finger shall remain a mystery).

so, uttering the most vulgar things, this time out loud, i head back to my car and get onto route 1 to go to the dry cleaners. ahh but see, i forgot, god had been against me all day, why would he decide to make my life any easier now? he wouldn't do that, no, he wouldn't be happy until my whole day was fucked. so it was only natural that route 1 would be completely backed up and i would not get to the dry cleaners until after 7 when it was closed.

so basically, if there is a god, he's fucking with me. i mean, it's the only logical conclusion that there is.

to further prove my point, this morning i dropped my only winter jacket off at the dry cleaners and lo-and-behold, it's snowing outside.

oh he's definitely fucking with me.
conversations at on the border
rj: hey look, they have a clock that's counting down to cinco de mayo.

cp: when's that?

me: ok, i'm gonna pretend you did not just say that.

cp: i don't get it.

me: ummm yeah, you've just lost all talking privileges.
Friday, February 18, 2005
conversations in the workplace
worker 1: ...it's so whack man, and i don't mean weighted average cost capital.**

worker 2: yeah, you're gonna have to sit alone at lunch from now on.

** weighted average cost capital is often referred to as the acronym WACC (pronounced like whack) in a finance related industry
Thursday, February 17, 2005
caution: predominantly vulgar and CAPS heavy post below
FUCK YOU GARY BETTMAN!

FUCK YOU BOB GOODENOW!

FUCK YOU PLAYERS ASSOCIATION!

AND FUCK YOU NHL TEAM OWNERS!

what transpired yesterday (2/16) is an event that will forever go down as the saddest day in hockey history. it's bigger than gretzky being traded or the cheap shot todd bertuzzi gave to steve moore.

yesterday the nhl cancelled the 2004-2005 hockey season...over a measly 6.5 million dollars!

i have a lot on my mind, a lot to say, much of which you won't care about since lets face it, it's easier to find a nickel from 1802 then it is to find a hockey fan. there's so much i'm feeling right now that i just cannot put down into words. for the last 2 hours i've been trying to write something that resembles anything close to a coherent post but it's nearly impossible.

i've been a loyal and devoted fan to this sport for over half my life. i've watched just about every game my team has played since the early 90's and try to watch as many non-team games as i possibly can. for anybody who knows anything about hockey, i'm a die-hard rangers fan, the last 7 or 8 years have been anything but fun to watch. and yet i sat there through it all faithfully rooting and pulling for a team that is more embarrassing to watch than seeing the yankees with a 3-0 series lead and on the verge of winning game 4 with mariano rivera on the mound, in the 8th inning, only to see them lose not only that game but the next 3 as well, and to of all people, the red sox (haha, i gotta throw in a cheap shot every now and then).

but after seeing the greed that these players and owners are driven by, do you really expect us loyal fans to come back with open arms? you've spat in the face of every hockey fan that's still left. you come onto podiums and announce the canceling of the season and yet still have the audacity to say that 'you're sorry', 'you tried all you could', and 'nobody feels worse about this than you'.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

gary bettman, please tell me you're joking. this must be a prep for some sad, pathetic snl skit. i know that you are not sitting there trying to say that you did everything you possibly could to prevent this. in the last 4 day, you and the union made strides bigger than the size of yao ming. you're divided by only 6.5 million dollars. both you and the union made offers, and then counter offers on tuesday night, but did either of you pick up the phone on wednesday? NO! so don't tell me you did everything you fucking could. i mean c'mon, you shouldn't even be on that fucking dais. the announcement should've been postponed and you guys should've tried to bridge this gap.

oh, and don't tell me you're sorry. you don't care about the game, you don't care about the tradition. you're a basketball guy, not a hockey one. you've never even played it. you're just a tiny, arrogant little shit who looks like a penis.

you know what though gary, you're lucky. i'll give you that, you're a lucky son of a bitch. you've been in this league for something like 10 or 12 years now, and have successfully managed to oversee not 1, but TWO lockouts, and yet you still have your job. but even more so than that gary, you're lucky because even before this lockout began, the nhl sucked. you managed to successfully deteriorate the game by over expanding into markets that CAN NOT sustain hockey, which then lead to a dilution of the talent, which lead to a poor on-ice product with low scoring games, which ruined ANY CHANCE the nhl could have ever had of attracting casual fans.

so i'll give you that gary, you're fucking lucky, because it will be easy for the nhl to bounce back from this. we have no fans right now, we have no tv revenue, and we have shitty attendance. you've driven this league so far down that it can't get any worse. to use an analogy, if you have a restaurant that only gets two customers and they have to shut down, it won't be hard for them to get more than that when they start back up.

but you know what, once again, FUCK YOU. you could've made this game great 10 years ago. when the rangers won the stanley cup hockey was as high as it could ever get. the nation was wrapped up i the drama of the seventh game of the stanley cup finals between new york and vancouver. you had a whole nation that was mesmerized with this fast paced, hard hitting sport. they were talking about it at work and on late night talk shows. baseball was as low as it ever was so we were already the third best sport. but it was even better than that gary because we were creeping up on number 2! everyone everywhere was talking about how this was better than basketball and if you watch a game live you'll get hooked. we were going straight to the top!

but what'd you do right after that gary? you commissioned a lockout, and it was 7 months before anyone saw hockey again. you got rid of the casual fans.

but i'm sick of writing about this now. it hurts too much to keep talking about what could've been. before i go though, i need to give a final 'FUCK YOU'.

FUCK YOU NHL PLAYERS!

you get to play a game i love for a career. a game that i would pay to play and any hockey fan would me more than glad to play for free. you get paid more in one year than most will ever make in their entire lives. you're greedy bastards and i truly hate you right now. you've taken a die-hard hockey fan, and made him disgraced to be one.

FUCK YOU!
Thursday, February 10, 2005
48 hours
48 hours until:
  • i can sleep in on a saturday/sunday morning.
  • i will actually have a weekend that consists of something other than studying.
  • i will never have to study at the princeton university graduate library ever again.
  • i can watch tv or a movie without feeling guilty that i'm slacking off.
  • i can actually make posts with more frequency than of as late.
  • i can actually make changes to this blog and customize it to my style.
  • i can reconstruct the bridges that have been broken with some people who are close to me.
  • i can start planning and actually get excited about going to london for 10 weeks.
  • i can start reading for leisure.
  • i can start going to the gym again (okay, well maybe not again, but until i can start going to the gym).
  • i start panicking about how i did.
  • i start the countdown to when i get my score.
  • i check my e-mail every hour of every day hoping that maybe the evil people at the law school admission council were lying and they're going to e-mail me my score earlier than march 7th, the date they said they would.
  • i get annoyed when every person i know starts asking me the question i hate to be asked after any test "how did you do". or the slight but equally annoying variation "how did it go".
  • i can call people and have more than a 5 minute conversation.
  • my life will deviate from the routine that i've been constricted to for the last 2 months of: work, library, sleep, rinse, repeat.
  • i never have to look at another lsat book in my life ever again.
  • i'm done.
  • i get my life back.

only 48 more hours.

Monday, February 07, 2005
we just won the superbowl, so why am i so sad?
I WANT MY NHL!

i'll give you a moment to rub your eyes and realize that i did indeed just type that on this page. i know it may come as a shock to you that there are still nhl fans out there amidst this horrible, lockout, but there are, and i'm sick of it.

I WANT MY NHL BACK!

as a die hard hockey fan who ignorantly refuses to accept the fact that hockey is barely a 'major four' sport (i will always be adamant that it's right at the top, ahead of football even...HEY. STOP LAUGHING, that's not a joke) it pains me to see the depths that this sport is sinking to as a result of greed.

tonight i witnessed my favorite nfl team enter into a class of great teams that can only be described as 'dynasties'. but you can bet your pretty little heart that i would trade all the jubilation and joy i've experienced for three of the last four years in watching my patriots excel just to see my poor, pathetic, sad new york rangers put me through the agony of truly believing that they'd make the post-season only to crash and burn and miss the play-offs for yet another year (this year would most likely have been the EIGHT, i repeat EIGHTH year in a row). and yet despite what i know would only bring me frustration i would still give it all up just for one. more. game.

now many of you are probably thinking, 'this kid is crazy' there's no way you can put this pathetic league right up there with the nfl, oh but you're wrong my foolish grasshopper. hockey is the coolest, fastest, most physical and toughest game on earth. you're constantly skating at an extremely fast speed, shooting pucks at 100+ miles an hours, diving in front of said pucks to try and block them, throwing your bodies at people and into solid walls and glass, not to mention, YOU'RE ON FRICKIN' ICE! anyone who wishes to debate this with me feel free and bring it on, i warn you though, you'll just be another casualty.

but i digress...the whole point of this post is that there is a large void right now due to this lockout. i realize that i'm one of the luckiest sports fans in that i've been able to witness my red sox and my patriots win their respective championships all within a span of four months, but man what i wouldn't give to walk into msg and be hit with with the fresh smell of the ice. hearing my feet make the squishy noises with each step i make from the sticky beer-drenched floor. taking part in the chants 'let go rangers' even though we all know deep down that they'll let us down in the end (much like the eagles do to philly).
i miss the exhilarating feeling when the lights dim and the announcer begins his routine of announcing 'ladies and gentlemen, the NEW YORK RANGERS!' i miss john enumerate hold the last note of the star spangled banner as he turns around a full 360 degrees so that every fan can feel the power of his voice. i miss the thrill of a breakaway, the crunch of a hard bodycheck into the boards, the chants taunting the opposing goalie. i miss seeing the look on an opposing players face when he's just been given a great chance to score and got robbed by our goalie. i miss seeing the beautiful passes and fancy stickers. i miss watching players chasing for a loose puck, giving everything they've got on each and every play.

it's been a great year, two championships, one that hasn't been achieved in 86 years. but watching the baseball postseason and then the nfl playoffs makes me miss my hockey that much more because nothing compares to coolest game on earth.

i wan't my nhl.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
a life so simple
as you can tell, i like to try and bring laughter into the world. sometimes i'll try to be witty and it will result with you laughing at how incredibly bad i am at it (yeah i do that on purpose, i'm not really that bad, it's all a facade). and other times i will do what i've done recently and post something that i've found on-line. and so that leads me to ask: why break from what's been working so far? (i really just don't have time, but shh, you didn't hear it from me)

and so, with that, i give you: the simple life
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
a joke: part ii
this completely made my day yesterday, here's hoping it'll bring a little laughter to your day.

a monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "hey! what are you doing?"
the monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some."
so the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few puffs. after a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. a crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the shore, then asks the lizard, "what's the matter with you?"
the lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while trying to get a drink.
the crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "hey you!"
the monkey looks down and says "fuuuuuuuuck! duuuude!.......how much water did you drink?!!"

my philosophy...

like a phoenix we burn
ourselves all our lives hoping
that the ashes will give birth
to a new us... but all that's left
in the end is nothing.


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