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Saturday, May 28, 2005
much love and appreciation
i returned from rome yesterday with a gift in my inbox. someone, an extremely thoughtful someone, sent me the new album by Common called 'Be'. it was an album i was dying to get my hands on but just couldn't rationalize spending £15 ($30) on and it somehow made it's way to me. whoever sent it must've stopped by this site because they sent it to my chaoticphoenixak@gmail.com e-mail address and nobody knows of that e-mail except people who stop by this site.

so, to my extremely generous friend, whom i do not know and who somehow knows me very well since he/she somehow knew i was craving this album, i give you my thanks in ginormous proportions.

much love to you, and appreciation as well.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
ode to moms
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma,

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
quotes of the day
"i feel like life is careening recklessly through the extreme left lane, while i desperately wish that it were going slower."

"i need a xanax. or a martini. or both. paging karen walker, i wanna be sedated."

both courtesy of anna
Thursday, April 28, 2005
just to hold you over
land of ire reviewed in two words (both preceded by the phrase 'lots of'):
  1. sheep
  2. alcohol

there just aren't enough hours in the day to express everything i saw, felt, this past weekend (yeah that's cliche as all hell, but you'll eat it up just as well). later tonight i shall be back though because in 12 hours i'll be jetting along under the english channel on my way to the land of love and romance. oh sweet paree.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005
just call me 'the giving tree'
see this blog isn't just about me, it's about you as well. see i like to help people, give my two cents, try to make life a bit easier. and so because i'm the generous amazing person, i'm going to give a tip. well, not so much a tip, i guess i don't know what it really is. it's something that someone suggested to me, and so now i'm passing it on to you (in the plural sense, not you specifically, but you're more than free to think you're that special). so i guess you could call it a suggestion. yeah. i'm offering you a suggestion.

inevitably in an interview you will be asked if you have any questions. it's as sure a thing as me eating taco bell (when available of course...damn these english people!). and so, here, right now, i shall bestow upon you the greatest, most wonderful, and awe inspiring (it doesn't really inspire awe) question.

interviewer: so, do you have any questions?

interviewee: why yes as a matter of fact i do. if your company were a person or a car how would you describe it?

:: applause :: (not to be done on the actual interview)

why thank you. you love it do you? why yes, i know, it is quite amazing. i came up with it all by myself (yeah right). so now that i've given you this amazing question to ask that will inspire awe in your interviewer for having just been asked a super-amazing and awe inspiring question feel free to go out and inspire awe!

and in the spirit of interviewing which inevitable leads to work, i give you this hilarious cartoon.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
trip numero uno
and i'm off. well, not yet anyway, but soon, in apx. 7 hours i shall be flying high in the sky to the land of ire (for those that did not get my lame attempt at a joke that's ireland). i will be drinking some guiness, and kissing that famous stone that i can't really remember right now.

i'll be writing a whole boat load all about it when i get back and hopefully will get to put up some pictures. so until then, hope everyone has a fantabulous weekend.

cheers!
help a guy out
okay people, i'm in need here. i need somebody to help me out. this isn't a want. no. it's much more than that. i need this. i'm aching for it. my body just cannot go on anymore without it. i need for somebody, anybody in fact, to ship me either a taco bell grilled stuffed chicken burrito with loads of fire sauce packets, OR, a taco bell chicken border bowl.

now i'll leave it amongst yourselves to decide who will take on this incredibly important task.

much love and appreciation for he/she who steps up.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
saved
recently i've been finding myself with a lack of not only motivation to blog but also without a single thing worth writing about. i know it sounds like bullshit, the kid overseas in a different country on a trip-of-a-lifetime has nothing to say. but never the less that's the position i've been finding myself in. i've never been a daily blogger but i've tried to get a few posts in a week and usually have never had to stress it. but i guess i've come down with a case of bloggers-block if you will. so in an attempt to ease my way back into this game and out of my current situation i shall pose this question: have you ever wondered what the blogger behind the screen looked like?

i know that on many times for the sites that i frequent without any sort of photo id i come up with a visual image for the writer much like i would a character in a book. i try and assemble not only the face but the whole appearance and persona. well today i've found out that my submission into self-portrait day has been accepted and posted on-line. so for the two of you who still stop by this site feel free to pop on over and meet not only myself (4th row on the far right) but some other fellow bloggers.

i guess now the only question is: am i everything you thought i would be and then some?
Saturday, April 02, 2005
much neglected
i feel as though i have no idea what is going on in the blogging world anymore. my bloglines is full with new posts that are unread. i think everyone decided to start posting regularly once they knew that i don't have great access to a computer. in a way i love it because i'm not using the computer, i'm not watching tv, i just go outside and find some new thing to see, some new place to go. but man, i really would like to know what happens in next weeks episode of 24. i know, it's a bit sad and pathetic, but it's just so addicting.

anyway, i think i could quite possibly have seen more things here these last three days than i have ever seen in my previous 20 years of life in the us. yesterday (friday night) we went to go out to this club called 'fabric' that's apparently one of the hottest clubs ever. ummm, yeah. i think that club was specifically designed and catered to people who are looking to smoke the ganga and pop e pills all night long because that was pretty much the environment that surrounded us. what makes it all the funnier is that the school that i'm studying at while i'm here is the one that provided the tickets. you would think they'd know what the place would be like. and if so, then it's hilarious that they're pretty much promoting ecstacy and pot, among other things.

that's all i can write right now. i'm going to go see the flat that winston churchill owned, it's right next to where i'm living. apparently i'm staying in the poshiest of all the pish-posh areas. every flat here is valued at min. 1.2 million pounds. every third car that you see in this area is a mercedes (more likely than not an slk) and that's only because the other two are audi's and porsche's. the one good thing about this is that i got to pose right next to a BENTLEY that was directly in front of the entrance to our flat.

yeah, i know, you hate me right now don't you?
Thursday, March 31, 2005
alive in london
hola, oops, wrong language. g'day mates!

well, i'm still alive, albeit a bit tired still. i don't really have time for a long, elaborate post today. but, i will say, god damn it rains a lot here. seriously, like, i thought it was all hype. NOPE! i get out of the plane and what's the first thing i'm greeted with? no not a lei, RAIN! right on my head too. i'm starving to see the sun, and for a steady stream of water.

still can't believe i'm here, maybe when i do something touristy like go to see big ben it'll really hit home.

well, cheerio!
my philosophy...

like a phoenix we burn
ourselves all our lives hoping
that the ashes will give birth
to a new us... but all that's left
in the end is nothing.


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